Do relationships ever work? Why can’t I get along with my boyfriend? Why is my husband different from the man I married? Why is my wife so domineering? I’m bored with my girlfriend!
Of course there is never one answer, but turning to the question of will relationships ever work, I must say that my clients and students are not always happy with my answer. I say, “Most men and women tend to attract, or choose the wrong person!” There are a variety of reasons for choosing the wrong person. Some men choose mother figures, a person that reminds them of their own mother, who may not fit into their idea of a romantic figure. Some women choose father figures, often like their own father, who may have been cold and undemonstrative. These choices are fairly common, (not right) but common.
My experience has shown me that challenging and unhealthy relationships occur when opposites attract. One of my clients said “Isn’t the relationship colorful when they are both so different? My answer is “depending on the relationship and how much each individual wants to endure. It doesn’t take long before couples find out they are not compatible. They begin to recognize that they approach life differently. They do n ot have the same interests. They are not on the same wavelength. And after awhile they have nothing to talk about. Since I am a very positive person I definitely believe that it’s very important to work on relationships. When problems come up, it’s necessary to try to understand and accept each other’s differences. It’s as simple as one person being emotional and the other is logical. The feeling person does not respond well to cold facts, especially when they want sympathy or compassion. The thinking person does not connect with “warm fuzzy’s because they are not sensible or objective. They respond through their intellect. A thinker, who is with a feeler cannot understand what the fuss is all about. Thinkers are thrown off by excessive chaos and emotion. Feelers, who are with thinkers that cannot show emotion become personally insecure. (More to come) Any questions up to now are welcome.
Practical and logical people tend to resist intimacy. It scares them. Practical people are very comfortable with the material realities of life. The emotional person may attract to the practical person’s stability, but if the intimacy is missing, the relation may turn out to be dull and boring.
A very strong relationship conflict is the lack of self-expression and personal confrontation. When this happens thre will be very little discussion about personal matters. Without personal discussion, resentment, anger and frustration looms large.
When couples refuse to talk about their personal problems they suffer on a daily basis. Some may be tolerant or enduring, but they are never happy. Tolerance and endurance can lead to misery or divorce.
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